I continue that daily battle with my sidekick ‘Lenny’ (the name I have given my COPD/Asthma) and part of my therapy is to put into words how my week or day is going and then sharing it openly as part of what I call my responsibility. That responsibility for me is to share my travels with others with the hopes that maybe, just maybe I will reach even one person who could read what I write and realize they are not alone.
While my buddy ‘Lenny’ (my COPD/Asthma) may not be anywhere near as severe as many, it is bad enough that even though I am not on oxygen 24/7 yet I do find it very, very difficult to work or do anything much physical for more than about 15 minutes without having to stop and let my lungs catch up.
Today I once again share where I am at and maybe how I may or may not be dealing with it.
I was a loner growing up or so it seemed, as it is if I were to be growing up in today’s society my ‘loner’ times would most likely be considered bouts of depression.
This is brought up because I see depression as one of those side effects that may go along with battling the level of COPD/Asthma that I have and honestly I see it as a side effect of nearly any life-threatening situation, especially with those like ours that can go on for years while causing much alone time in the process.
Last week I crossed paths with a poster type posting (liked it so much I jazzed it up and put it on my blog at wheezingaway.com) talking about anxiety and depression and a couple of items it listed hit close to home with me.
One was wanting friends but not being fond of socializing. More times than I can remember I was told I was a good time at a social get together, while many of those times I enjoyed the socializing while preferring to be in a much smaller group. Groups of maybe four is what I seem most comfortable with even though I can work a crowd with the best of any entertainer, politician or faith leader.
A second item in that poster mentioned wanting to be alone but not wanting to be lonely – that sounds like me as I much too much of the time act and perform like I am thrilled to be alone, all the while knowing inside being alone stresses me out and throws me into that bottomless rabbit hole many would call depression.
Then the mention of caring about everything then caring about nothing – boy is that me as I care, care, care so much then with being alone so much while tumbling down that bottomless rabbit hole of depression my walls become a faceless, numb feeling of ‘oh well, nothing matters anymore’.
Why am I talking about this today – because I am dealing with the realization that the most obvious hindrance to my fighting this battle with COPD/Asthma is my being alone, scared to go out for how my lungs may react and that unbelievable fear of failure when I do find something to keep my mind, body, attitude and spirit moving forward.
Maybe the best step for me is writing and sharing with others which in turn keeps me on top of the reality of my deepest fear and that is not staying near the top of the ‘rabbit hole’.
And that my friends is where ‘Lenny’ (my COPD/Asthma) and me are at 4 today.
*** I continue a request for all to hold Kaycie Chapman (from down New Zealand way) in your thoughts, prayers and blessings as she continues her courageous Facebook sharing of her continuing battle with late stages of emphysema/asthma/COPD – and she continues to do it with the level of faith and hope for which we all should hope we will have when our battle and travels become much, much worse. Prayers and Blessings Kaycie.
NOTE TO REMEMBER: Sometimes we share what may seem like medical information, but we are only giving descriptions and highlights of various aspects of having COPD and/or asthma and no way do we ever want our information to be considered medical treatment type of information, always consult your physician for more, clearer and more medical founded information.
As always – if you or anyone you know have any symptoms involving lung and breathing functionality, and they linger over and over while disrupting a lifestyle – then please ask questions and get it checked out.
Remember – a person without breathing is a person without life itself.
I bid to all – smiles, prayers, blessings and steady breathing – Mr. William.
(Copyright@2015, CrossDove Writer through wheezingaway.com)
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