LOOKING FOR A WAY TO BREAK LOOSE!!
By Mr. William
“A person without good breathing, is a person with a life of constant caution, so let’s do what we can, to learn what we can, to improve what we can.” (Will Dursens)
One of the things I most feared several years ago when I began dealing with true chronic health issues, was whether or not that someday I would let those fears get the best of me.
One of those fears had to do with whether I would or could become a recluse or like a hermit and just stay squirreled away within my own world, with my own few chosen people – within my own sheltered comfort zone.
As we head full speed into the holiday founded on the habits of joy, faith, hope and sharing, I for one am finding that leaving my comfort zone is almost too much to handle and that at times my reaction to changing it even for a short while, makes we put up my guards as if my comfort zone was a fortress to be defended.
When I say comfort zone, I am referring to my home where it is normally just me, the wife (when she is not working or visiting her kids) and our puppy Frosty Lou.
When I say comfort zone, I am referring to that spot where I don’t have to normally worry about too many triggers that could set off my severe asthma or COPD.
When I say comfort zone, I am referring to that daily routine for which I have so gradually begun to envelope around me to the point that when something comes along to mess with it, I literally can make my own self sick with anxiety or panic.
That my friends is where I find myself these days.
What has brought me to this point, I am not sure. What I do know, it seems to be getting worse, especially since my pulmonologist reminded me that my being short of breath so quickly when trying to do something like play or run with the dog for even a short distance – may not have anything to do with my severe asthma or COPD, but my heart.
For much of the past four months I have found myself staying within the confines of my own home for as much as two weeks at a time.
As I briefly discussed in a recent posting of ‘Lenny and Me 4 Today’, I have become like a hermit.
I can come up with several quick reasons as to why this has taken control of my life:
- It could be because of my being paranoid about catching some kind of illness by being around people.
- It could be because of becoming extremely paranoid about missing a trigger while out amongst society and other people, triggers that could or may zap my day in a heartbeat with a major issue of being short of breath or losing all energy to even walk.
- It could be because I may have become increasingly aware of my health issues as well as my physical issues which include getting a bad slouch, missing teeth and a continued struggle with weight.
I am sure some will say that I should go talk to somebody like a pastor, a friend, a mentor, or maybe even a psychiatrist. Nope, I don’t think so.
One issue I have is having friends or mentors. If I was paid a dollar for every time I told someone that we should get together for a cup of coffee or a bite of lunch, with a resulting gesture of sure I will give you a call – and the call never came, I would be a much richer man than I am.
I have gotten to that point where I have shut myself down and don’t even bother with that line of questioning anymore, even when a brief conversation may seem to be going very well – I just have chosen not to pursue a scheduled type of meeting to talk because I am tired of making the effort and being disappointed when they don’t call.
The question I am asking myself, even as I write this newest posting of ‘Lenny and Me 4 Today’, is what I can or should even do about it.
Today was a good example, I left the house (and yes for the first time in nearly two weeks) to run up to the hospital for my bi-weekly Xolair shots followed by a quick run to the grocery store for a few items. I went, I got my shots, went to the store and then hurried home where I could feel no anxiety and get those priceless puppy paw swats at my leg and juicy puppy kisses on my cheek and chin, plus the smile, hug and kiss from my number one cheerleader – the wife.
Funny thing is, when the wife asked a question of me shortly after I had gotten home – I snapped at her without even realizing it at first.
So, I know something is bothering me and now the job and partial priority of my life, is to figure out what is going on physically, mentally or spiritually that has me acting out of sync with the guy I normally and always should be.
As always, feel free to throw me your thoughts, comments, ideas or even concerns – I treasure my internet family and friends, especially those who may be battling some of those similar chronic illness issues as I am. Thanx.
And that my friends, is where ‘Lenny’ and Me are 4 today.
Like always we offer a few notes and reminders:
If you have any comments or questions about my postings, feel free to leave a comment on either at this blog, at the email address of firstname.lastname@example.org or on https://www.facebook.com/copdtravels/.
ALWAYS REMEMBER – if you or anyone you know have any symptoms involving lung and breathing functionality, and they linger over and over while disrupting a lifestyle – then please ask questions and get it checked out.
With that, I bid to all – smiles, prayers, blessings and steady breathing – Mr. William.
(Copyright@2019, CrossDove Writers through wheezingaway.com – no part of this write may be used or copied without written permission.)
NOTES: Sometimes we share what may seem like medical information, but we are only giving descriptions and highlights of various aspects of having COPD and/or Asthma and no way do we ever want our information to be considered medical treatment type of information, always consult your physician for more, clearer medical founded information.